Color Me Overwhelmed

I'm looking at paint colors this week. I'm trying to decide which one to put in the kitchen. I've narrowed it down to green, now it's just finding the right shade of green. Should be easy right? No, what it means is that I have about 600 of those paper paint swatches around my house. I spread out 30 of them right in a row and sit there muttering to myself, "Ok, something earthy like sage. Not mint like hospital walls. Nothing dark. No yellow greens. No blue greens. Where the hell are the green greens?"

I'm going to close my eyes and pick "Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Mo" style.

As I'm looking at these swatches, I'm looking at some of the names they've given these shades. Some make sense. I'm looking at greens. So there's Fine Pesto, Desert Aloe, and Deep Woods. But others don't make much sense at all. Venetian Mirror? I'm going to guess I've never seen a Venetian mirror if I didn't know it was this really light shade of green. Essence of Light? That's a light green tint too? Personally, I'd think yellow or a white would be Essence of Light. Yes, a sunshine-y yellow color makes me think "Yes, that wall is the very essence of light." If I looked at a really light green wall I'd more than likely think faded green wall, not essence of light.

Some of them just crack me up. No matter how nice a color it is, I'm not sure I could ever put Dillweed on my walls. "This is a nice color, what is it?" "Dillweed." "Why are you calling me names?" And the one that's called Dancing Leaf sounds like a Native American name. "That wall is Runs with Clover, the other three are Dancing Leaf." My favorite though, is Knee High Grass. Apparently knee high grass is a different green than ankle high grass, otherwise, it wouldn't have it's own shade. (I couldn't find ankle high grass to check this though.) Ducketymud? Would someone actually paint their walls a color that has mud in the name? "Yes, the carpet is Mud Puddle, the walls are Ducketymud, and the curtains are Cowpile."

I think the people trying to come up with all these different names must have gotten tired and punchy at one point. This would explain some very bad puns like Extended Olive Branch, Scattered Grassroots, and Kentucky Bluegrass. After a long day they just threw out names to be able to go home. Thus the reason for: Green Saddle, Quaint Village Green, and Northwest Passage. I want to know how you get hired for this job. Do people get interviewed for color naming positions? "Can you tell me what experience you have?" Well, I own a box of Crayola crayons, the big one that has all the colors and the sharpener in the back. I've been studying the names all week." "Congratulations, you're hired." I think I could be good at this. I could name paint colors Frogger (after the video game), Fuzzy Green Beans (those are the ones from the garden), and Ugly Bridesmaid Dress Chartreuse. See, I'm completely qualified!

Next week I get to look at tans, taupes, and beiges. I can't wait to see what names they've come up with for these ones. Burnt Toast, Coffee With Too Much Milk, and Yellowed Newspaper? (Okay, perhaps I'm OVER qualified for a color naming position.)