The Great Zumba Experiment

Apparently my health insurance has something called a "wellness benefit". This is where they give you 20 classes for Zumba and, well, I know definitely Zumba. Maybe they don't allow anything else, I'm not really sure. However, they said the magic word: free. It could be a Chinese Water Torture class and if it was free, I'd probably give it some serious consideration.

So of course, since it was advertised in the workplace, a few other co-workers jumped on board as well. I'm not sure if they're also fans of free or if they enjoy torture (I'm going by hearsay on this, but I guess Zumba is a wicked work out.) but we've decided that if we're going to make fools of ourselves, (I mean try something new) that we should do it together.

Now the most important thing for a woman to consider when taking an exercise class of any sort is, of course, wardrobe. A co-worker that has done this class before suggested shorts because "you will sweat". Um, no thanks. Have you seen how white these legs are? It's February in New York. Any paler and I might qualify as a vampire. Plus, then I'd have to worry about shaving and let's face it: Winter is hibernation for bears and my razor. Since no one other than the hubster sees the gams in winter, I don't have to worry about shaving as much. Bonus for me! Not so good for any innocent bystanders that might get caught in the crossfire.

The wardrobe worries don't end there. Now I'm thinking I definitely want pants. Check. But what about the shirt? I don't care how much I am going to sweat, I am NOT wearing a tank top or a sports bra. I'm no 400 pound woman, but I do have a small bakery going on in the midriff area. (A muffin top, a few rolls, you know what I'm saying.) So the obvious choice is a t-shirt. But it has to be long enough to cover the unsightly bakery and short enough not to look like I'm wearing pajamas. Boy, men have it so easy regarding wardrobe options, don't they?

The second most important factor is not looking like an idiot. You'd think this would be the most important, wouldn't you? But I'd be okay looking foolish if I was dressed cute enough. My biggest worry is that I'm going to be 3 minutes into it and fall into a red faced, exhausted, panting-for-breath hot mess on the floor. All the other girls would be Zumba-ing their way around me as I lay dying at their feet. I know I'm not going to be a pro the first time out of the gate, but I am fervently praying that I can at least look like I'm able to keep up the pace.

My last concern is that the other two women I am going with (who are Zumba virgins also) will walk in and five minutes into the class look like they could lead a fitness video. One of the main reasons I am willing to go as a group is that we'd all be novices and if I look stupid, I can take comfort that they probably do too. If I'm the only one looking like an uncoordinated, wheezing monstrosity, I'm going to be one pissed off chick. So be at your worst ladies and we'll do just fine. (Or if not your worst, at least slightly unwieldy with a few haphazard hand movements.)

The best case scenario is that this whole Zumba thing works magnificently and I can lose the entire bakery. If not, maybe I can at least go from large bakery chain to small town, mom and pop size shop.