Resolving to be resolute in my resolutions

Every January, people are making lists of things that they plan to do (or in some cases, not do) for the upcoming year. This is akin to making a wish before blowing out your birthday candles. You KNOW it's not going to come true, but it's a tradition that you carry on every year. Those poor New Year's Resolutions have gotten such a bad rap too. Nobody seems to follow through anymore and our resolution attention spans have shortened to, oh, about 38 and a half minutes. "I'm going to eat healthy for half an hour and consider that a resolution well fulfilled. After that it's dinner and cocktails with the girls. I'll have to tell them all about my resolution success."

This year, however, I decided it was the year of change, baby! I was going to shake things up and actually stick to a resolution or two. Yeah, I know, I'm a rebel! I'm a rule breaker! You might even say I'm walking on the wild side! Being a woman, there's really only two resolutions we ever make and rarely stick to: Changes in our diet and/or exercise. Since I'm such a rebel, I decided why not be adventurous, (torture myself) and conquer both?

So far I've surprised myself. I'm sticking with my exercise regime. (This is extremely shocking to anyone who knows I consider exercise to be a vile and evil word that should be expunged from the dictionary.) And believe me, I pat myself on the back for this constantly. You'd think I won the tour de France (without the aid of performance enhancing drugs of course) instead of riding a stationary bike for 40 minutes. And if I add another walk during the day? You'd think I saved babies from a burning building. That's how proud of myself I am. (I know, pitiful isn't it?)

The diet part though, that's been a little harder to adhere to. I'm not eating badly. But I can usually talk myself into having a bad eating day once a week(end) or so. I only fall off the diet wagon on days that begin with S though, so it's okay. Monday hands me back my discipline that I left on the floor Friday night and I trek back onto the diet trail, feeling guilty for undoing some of my hard earned progress. So I'm thinking things are going well this week. And then I see this:

Chocolate peanut butter bites of heaven!

Some evil bastard who's sole purpose in life is to find new ways to make women unfaithful to their healthy eating habits comes up with DARK CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER CANDIES. I have never tasted one but already I know we could be best friends. I want to curl up inside their chocolaty peanut buttery goodness and sigh in utter feminine contentment. I might even want to marry them. (No offense honey. But look at them. You get it, right?) I could plan long, intense afternoons around them, a cup of coffee, and a good book. Perhaps a hammock on a beach with a glass of wine and a sunset. Or more realistically, a box of Tampax, a Valium, and "my friend" who visits every month. They're so versatile that they could work for any of these scenarios.

So I'm putting on my diet chastity belt (A.K.A. covertly checking my cupboards for ingredients) and keeping that lusty appetite in check. After all, it's only Wednesday. The weekend is 2 whole days away! Which gives me just enough time to run to the store for a few things.....