Internet Dating for Old Spinsters

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I've been thinking about love and couples and all that happy hearts and crap. I came to the conclusion that I am really happy that I'm married. I've done the whole "search, find, reject, repeat process" junk. I can't imagine having to start over as a thirty something mom.

Well, actually, that's not true. I DID think of how awful it would be to have to start over. In this day and age, everyone's finding love via the internet. (Which is not at all creepy or scary.) How many commercials have you seen lately for couples who found love with the help of online dating sites? And they're becoming quite specific to the group they're catering to. I saw an ad for "Christian Mingle" which is specifically for God fearing Christians to find love. (Or God fearing spinsters looking to get lucky in a legally binding biblical commitment. To-may-to, to-mah-to.) And yet, when I did a search, I didn't find one single "Spinster Love Connection" or "Old Ladies Seek Someone to Love and Likes 9 PM Bedtimes" or even a "Frazzled Moms Who Just Don't Care to Try That Hard to Find a Guy Because They're Unwilling to Squeeze Into a Pair of Skinny Jeans When Sweats Are More Comfortable Anyway".

Why Spinster Love Connection? Because once you hit a certain age, (like having 3 kids) you're just tired. I have an awesome, loving husband and I'm glad because the thought of putting myself out there again and trying to find someone new that can put up with me is terrifying and overwhelming. This man, lucky guy that he is, already knows my quirks and habits, and STILL loves me. I just don't think I could get that lucky again.

Like I said, I'm tired. Want to know how my spinster ad would read? It would go something like this: "Mother of 3 children seeking someone who likes being a homebody and watching a lot of pointless television and sappy romance movies. Must love lazy weekends and be able to deal with my total absorption into various books, which happens often as I love to read. Also a plus if party tolerance is under 2 hours so that you won't complain when I want to go home. Must be able to deal with being second to my children because they are my world. If you have an aversion to women in pajama pants every minute she's not out in public, please don't apply."

Yes, that's a sexy picture. I'd end up with every 40 year old virgin who still lives in their parent's basement vying for my hand. Considering I haven't liked a picture of me since I was 21, it wouldn't be a current picture posted with the ad and I'd probably get sued for misrepresentation, go bankrupt, lose my house, and we'd all have to live in a van down by the river.

So, this Valentine's Day, I'm going to be extra thankful for hubby. After all, he's all that's standing between me and a van down by the river.